Looking at the Pieces

I've never enjoyed putting together puzzles, but I do enjoy watching my daughter's excitement over finding the piece that fits just right into the portion she's working on. She glances at the puzzle box and beams with joy as she gets closer to completion. Wouldn't it be nice if our lives were like that? Wouldn't it be nice if the picture of our completed life was given to us like a neatly wrapped puzzle box? Imagine if we were given all the pieces and we just had to align them to reflect the image we were given in advance. Our reality looks much different though. Life is like a complex puzzle, where each experience, relationship, and decision represents a unique piece. As we navigate through life, we gradually collect these pieces. Some fit seamlessly, forming a clear picture, while others require time and effort to find their place. Sometimes we have to take apart the pieces to see the bigger picture. I've been doing that for a while now. As I look at the pieces of me, I see pieces I have been stuck trying to figure out for a while. It's as though there are a few that I am just stuck on, particularly from my childhood. Exploring our childhood experiences can indeed provide insights into our adult selves. Reflecting on past memories, relationships, and lessons can help us better understand our values, behaviors, and motivations today. Some pieces I look at are hard to see how they could be used to make something beautiful. My childhood was filled with physical and emotional clutter.

Dealing with the boxes of emotional clutter is something I will have to unpack with you another day, but if that really resonated with you check out this great article on Letting Go of Emotional Clutter.

When I was growing up I was constantly helping my mom excuse the word but, "shift shit" as she called it. She called me her little gopher, she would clean a room and I would take items she didn't know what to do with into another room. One room would be clean but the rest of the house would be a disaster. She hung on to items that might have been needed but could never find them when they were needed. When I look at the pieces that made her who she was, I see that she was brought up in poverty and was very afraid of not having enough. This fear of not having enough created a need in her to take whatever hand-me-down, people gave her or roadside treasures she found, even if she didn't need or really want them. She couldn't pass up a good deal or bargain. This became a vicious cycle that filled the rooms of our home and sheds in our yard with clutter. My parents taught me to take care of my stuff and not lose it. While this is great in theory, I was so focused on making them proud and earning their love and attention that I became paranoid about breaking and losing things. I was more worried about stuff than the memories being made with the stuff. My mom saved all of my childhood toys and memorabilia. I thought it would be great to give these things to my children. But what I didn't see was how hard managing the weight of all this stuff would be. My mom passed away when I was 21 and I was left with the stuff, but not the person who could share the memory behind the stuff. I put all the stuff into a storage building that I ended up spending hundreds of dollars moving four times over 10 years because I couldn't bear to part with the stuff, it was all I thought I had left of my mom. A lot can happen in 10 years and because my cluttered childhood had shaped my way of thinking and behaviors I had accumulated even more stuff with the addition of 4 children to my life! I was drowning in stuff, surrounded by pieces but with no peace. Remember those pieces I told you I was stuck trying to figure out what to do with? I couldn't figure out where they fit on my own. God heard my cries for help and led me to a Christ-centered recovery group. That's right, recovery, because recovery isn't just for alcoholics or drug addicts it is for everyone. My recovery group helped me unpack my emotional clutter and grief so I could finally let go of all the physical clutter. This recovery journey was right on time, as my family faced another move and I knew I couldn't bear moving the building and all of the stuff again. So equipped with praise music and trash bags I let go of over 100 bags of trash and donated an entire box truckload to a local charity. I would love to help you find the same peace I found! Contact me today for a free quote!